I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I believe in your delicious
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
