you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just tell him i said nine months
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
