Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
