Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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