listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
not ubering you a puppy
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
