don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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