Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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