My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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