I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
