She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Someone shattered a urinal.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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