Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
