He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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