I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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