he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
