Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize