The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
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he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
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Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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