So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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