I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i think i just lost a toe
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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