I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
