I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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