His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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