I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
