you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
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He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
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Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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