a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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