I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
