These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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