I'm gonna have a badass scar
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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