Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
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You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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