i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
