did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
