Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
im calling her cock vulture from now on
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
