then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
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