I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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