just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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