I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
