Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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