Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
