he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
