theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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