Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
