my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the right to judge tonight
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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