and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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