1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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