I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
