Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
