You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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