You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
