Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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