So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
