just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
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EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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