seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
