Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
