I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
