hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
