you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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