I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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