MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
