Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
