I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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