If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
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This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
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I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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