Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
