hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
