Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I want to fling myself into the sun
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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