DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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