I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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