awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
