I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
