I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
