This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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